


We don't know how to speek

by Mirenya_Kino1612



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-12
Updated: 2016-05-12
Packaged: 2018-06-08 00:46:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,619
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6832054
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mirenya_Kino1612/pseuds/Mirenya_Kino1612
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>First time Hux see him in a bus-stop. Towers above the rest by nearly a head. Goes, like he's here all alone. Dark hair, dark  close. Hux didn't seehis face, but look at his ass. One thought in his had, somethin between "I whan't you, man" and " I whan't to fuck you, man".</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Part 1 where Hux smokes a lot

**Author's Note:**

> Ok. It my work and it is translation from russion languige. I made it by myself. Be kind.

Night comes swiftly. In the middle of a huge metropolis, where everything is built up with skyscrapers, catch the sunset is almost unreal. On the upper floors, maybe, possible, if only not erect another skyscraper. This is the view from Hux office. To the windows. To the endless windows.  
But, the cabinet is attached to a great post. Work like a horse, but the results are worth the effort. Today, stayed at work late and go to the subway, hoping that the flood of people subsided, and there is no fear that someone will try to empty his pockets. He was robbed several times, but Hux still using the subway. Of course, he could buy a car. But there was something compelling in what would go down under the ground.  
Hux is delayed, buying cigarettes at a kiosk. He’s not to hurry, and can walk slowly to the subway. Buy the way, Hux can turn a corner, and dinner there. Could, but in another time. Today he is too tired to relax somewhere.  
Near the bus stop and the passengers stream out, merging with other flows of people. They are all going somewhere in a hurry or, conversely, slow, prolonging the moment. That, for example, man, dark, in a hurry, squeezing through the newly released passengers that would be there in a minute to be in the strong arms, uh, his boyfriend? Guys, kissing in the street, not paying any attention to anyone.  
And there's another one, the last passenger, a tall guy. Towers above the rest by nearly a head. Goes, like he's here all alone.

*** 

High, higher than Hux. Standing, he dressed all in black, wrapped in a black scarf . Straightens hair, in ears - white headphone. Worth waiting until the seller give him a couple of magazines. Hux in a distance. He's looking.  
You can get aesthetic pleasure, looking at Art. Or, looking at someone's young ass. That there, under tight black jeans gorgeous ass, Hux does not think even for a moment.  
That ass he want to slap, or bite, and then kiss the bite, and get off from the lips moan. Hux good in that. Perhapsб its personal preference, what he can do better than all his work. And done with so much enthusiasm and pleasure, which will never come the case of his career. So, personal life the best and most challenging part of Hux, red-haired Manager of a large commercial company, life.  
And he's feel so lonely.

***  
Hux can’t stop thinking about that men. He didn't seen his faces. But had seen his back in details, it was only part of body, which was turned to him. Much later, sitting on the couch at home, smoke cigarettes, Hux imagine in detail that gorgeous ass. He want to touch that tight, sexy ass, like his touching himself.  
Hux makes the tightness, throwing his head back, legs apart, even wider than before, to done that, that between them could fit that guy. And Hux imagine, he could watch the slow movements of his head, and like under the white skin on the back moves muscles. And how move up and down back, and moving someone's bode it tack.  
Ginger man covers his eyes, and imagined the picture becomes even more real. Helping himself with hand, Hux manages to drag and release the smoke at the ceiling. He filling his lungs with smoke. And, he thought, he fills himself not empty. A half-smoked cigarette flies away, released Hux hand, so he touch his oun body, shoulders, chest, getting under his shirt, across the stomach, feeling the muscles is reduced, as now he will be fine. And under lids over, he saw the face of that guy. He seems young. Hux not sure, he is too focused on the hand movements that would coherently to imagine, but the imaginary man's had dark eyes and pouty lips.  
In the apartment of Hux are few extraneous sounds, in the kitchen ticking wall clock in the living room has a TV, broadcasting news, creaks sofa, which hacks, helping himself with both hands, gasping for air. From under closed eyelids burst a couple of tears. Him well. He is so damn good. And in my head, in the back of my head the thought is spinning designed spinning like a carousel, or whirligig is a spinning top.  
"I want you, man"  
***  
His working. Every day look like previous. Not always, of course. But almoust. If it were otherwise, Hux get already madness from endless day-clones. He feels stupid, mad and crazy, when the next day he goes to the same kiosk. He doesn't like waiting, especially when waiting doesn't work. Of all twenty buses that come and go in that evening, that guy, with the cool ass, did not come, and the next day, and day after tomorrow. But Hux wasn't himself, if he do not know how to wait. He had an iron patience.  
The fourth night brings results. Out of the door of the bus appears a tall figure in black. Is heading straight to the kiosk, buys a couple of magazines, something clicks on the player. Hux waiting at a distance, pretending to read the magazine. And feels like a spy undercover, observing the object. Hungry watch on inch part of the body. Regretting that again he couldn’t see his face. Well, almost. To consider in the open he can't, only to see dark curly hair, too big ears, peering from dark hair. Face, young, and at the same time old.  
And he notices guy's lips. Its desired. 

***  
Thoughts torn between "want you, men" and "want to fuck you, men". He want to taste every inch of his body. Which is conveniently closed by layers of clothing. That’s thoughts Hux, when he's back home, and again on the couch, strapping. Today his movements more rigid. He wants rigidity, with the body under him jerked and torn from his movements. What would his every touch caused a shiver, dark from head to toe. He want him ...  
But it's all his imagination. Come and get to know the guy he thought does not occur. After standing at the bus stop, while the second, will not get lost in the flow of people, he thinks sometimes he's a fucking blithering idiot, and nothing more.


	2. Part 2 where Hux thinks a lot

Everything changes, and everything stay the same. Only life goes on. That phrase Hux read in an old book. Hux do not bring themselves to bookworm. But, he loves to read. Books and sex, sex and books, that's his main hobby. Could someone thought about work as a hobby? In truth, Hux had a certain talent for his profession. And now comes a time when he have to exert all the talent and ability to stay afloat. His company is merging, there is a chance to take off from work, and therefore – forget about nice apartment and the evening expectations.   
Perhaps this is the most serious motivation, which Hux had in months. Do not have any chance to see Him. They still strangers to each other.   
*** 

That week is very hard to Hux. Maybe, too much. He went home, when in office stays only the guards, and the street lights are lit, reflecting in the windows of skyscrapers.   
Hux tired, to heaviness in the legs and emptiness in the head. One of these days he moves slowly, trying to think: fuck this all, should his call a taxi? Physically, he could go to subway. Most likely Hux will came home. There was a time, when he had back in bad condition. But, gingerhad tired, worn brain send him a thought, that today he's had enough.

***   
It is important to understand where the limit to your powers. It is important to realize that you can’t jump above own head. No matter how his try, now Hux is peaked. Remind himself once again (hope, that that "once again" do not come " bad once again"), that he brought for company several major customers. But quickly adjusted to fit a couple new contracts, and make it impossible to competitors... in this very moment it is between hard and impossible.  
Would Hux a bit tougher, would be moved to the office, he would have lived there, what would be the guarantee to remain in place. It desires that need to be considered. That was what Hux thought. 

***   
Home ginger notices his hands tired and vibrating, when he lighting up a cigarette. He*s exhausted and terribly hungry. The last one is easier to fix. And while he awaits the order, smoke the whole pack to the end. Hux thought, it will become easier after. He thought, when he had a call from the doorman, whom asks if he ordered anything?   
When ginger hears the doors call, he’s slowly comes to the door. There, behind an open door stands, all in black, wrapping the neck in white a bulky black scarf, that guy from buss stop. Hux feeling that the floor under her feet disappears. 

\- Your order, ser. 

That guy has a long face and young voice. And Hacks feel confused.


	3. Part 3, where they finally talk

Everything changes, and everything stay the same, only Life passes by. And, as a part of ritual, every three days a later order on house, which brings the same messenger. Dark hair, dark eyes, large ears which he carefully hides upon his hair. His name is Kylo. This Hux will know on third "meeting". It is stupid to call the order - "meeting", but that is so.  
Hux, redhead, tall and skinny. An arrogant person, ready for deal to anything. Prudent, but always soberly assessing the situation. His place was in high politics, but he work in business.   
Hux had light green eyes, now faded. And ginger hair, more like straw. Late nights, when he alone in his own little world, he's changing, turning into a caricature - a wretched shadow of himself.   
He's working hard, but more often he feels emptiness. When the others have family and personal life, when there is a place of entertainment and hobbies, relaxation in the company of friends or buddies, he has nothing. He's a climber. That's not an excuse, not a reason. It's just a fact.  
Stubborn, outwardly perfect, but inwardly – is not a holistic, broken. He's a smoker, filling the lungs with smoke, hoping the smoke would full his head and void there. And he would have a Life.   
Fiery redhead man is drawn from the understanding that a little bit and he just collapses. He's exhausted, "drunk" until the very end. And all for a place under the sun. On the edge of consciousness he understood that, even after losing a place, he will stay afloat for a long-long time. He will find, if not the same, not worse, a place to himself.   
But then, in the center of Hux tired brain, there is a short signal. Five letters of someone’s name, with what he can't build anything.

*** 

That name will not break, will not full, will gave only a temporary consolation. And even that, it*s not a fact. That name will give fun, deceptively desirable. Because to the name he had nothing to add. He knows nothing about the persone, and does not dare to speak to him.   
And will not be solved, probably never. After all, then he would have to confess his passion. And passion is now an unaffordable luxury. Even conscious, even adopted, it is still not permissible. 

***   
In one evening ginger work until so late, that he’s kicked out by office guards. He gets home when the sky bright shines whit the young Moon. It shines through the curtains, and it’s enough light to not turn on all the lamps. Hux removes his coat, reaching for the closet, when the silence is pierced a call from the doorman. “Ordering from your favorite restaurant”. Probably, thinks the ginger, he make an order in a taxi and forgot. Could he forget? Probably...   
Hux so tired, that he ordered dinner sounds like the most stupid idea in recent months for sure. He has no forces. Even to look at Kylo. In fact, Hux make a dialogue with him in his mind. In his mind he could to ask, if Kylo wants to be with him today, or ask his phone number. Or to ask, what he’s it think to nontraditional relationship?  
He’s thought was prevents by the doorbell. Hux slowly opens it. The dark silhouette of a guy looks taller and more massive. In the hands he’s had of the package with a bright logo. 

\- Your order, ser.

*** 

We do not know how to speak directly. That's for sure. We don't know how to ask the right questions, ashamed to themselves. We do not know how to choose those words that would not leave the man with a hole in his chest where the heart once beat.  
Kylo Ren, hearing the name, Hux knows this guy. It is a pity that he didn’t recognize him from first met. Oh, and he used to say, he had a great memory. Probably too busy working...   
Kylo Ren, a former Ben Solo, the son of senator and a businessman. Left home when his parents forbade him to meet with the poor girl. Gone, missing for a years. Returned as a Kylo Ren. Is he took a new name in honor of someone? Non important in a moment, because, this one came back a new person. Works and happy.   
All that in thoughts of Hux, when he remove warm packages to the table.

***   
We don't have the right to express our thoughts, even when, when in the mind carefully think every word. But we can express feelings by the glance or touch.   
It seems Hux. It seems to him, while he gathers from the pieces themselves, lolling on the couch. He wants’ to drink, and laugh. And no strength to it.   
When Kylo took him to the bedroom, put to bed - he is silent. He’s feel full.  
His feel well and in pain at the same moment. This one-time event that may never happen again. Or will be the case again if Hux no longer be bothered to trot, as before, and just talk.   
Ordinary words are sometimes more than hard, exhausting work. To pick up a couple of these words he managed. Hux hopes, that it will be possible again.

*** 

In the morning, before picking up scattered things, Hax picks up his phone. Checking calls, is he not missed from anyone, understands that last night he ordered a taxi, but not home delivery.

\- You could have guessed before,- he heard from behind.

\- You could find another way.

\- Why? – Kylo ask. – You'd be silent for a long time. And I'm tired of   
waiting.  
\- Logic, - Hax is not solved, but asked the question. – Discover for a long time?

\- The second time at the bus stop. You're hard to miss.

\- Uncomfortable somehow happened...

\- Says the man who very loudly ...

Sometimes it's better not to be straight. And to feel that somewhere out there, beneath fair skin with freckles, will no longer be allowed. This is a wonderful, new feeling, happy as ever.   
To learn something new, give yourself a new goal, to make it clear for those who make first steps... it's good...   
And no matter what they still knew nothin of each other. Not so important that everyone has their own life, which has yet to find a place for a second one . It is important that one has already taken the first step to a meeting, and the second one found the strength to not be scared.   
If we do not know how to speak directly, we can always find an alternative way of expression.


End file.
